26 Oct 2012: in which the Pirate collapses in 27 moves

What could be better on a fine Friday afternoon in October than a fight for The Shiny ?  The Chess Pirate and the Gabridoodle met up at the Clubhouse for a game that, while not a miniature, certainly didn't take long.

Chess Pirate - Gabridoodle, 0-1

The Pirate got off to her usual textbook-shredding start.  At move 5, the Gabridoodle proudly announced, "See ?  I used the ponies.  You haven't even touched..."  She interrupted him, snapping, "Be quiet !"  At move 6, she made a truly ghastly blunder, blithely moving her queen to d5 (see illustration).  The Gabridoodle announced he was seriously thinking about resigning -- and the Pirate bought it !  Of course, he didn't resign, instead promptly using his pony to trample the Pirate's queen.  She didn't take this well, saying, "I hate you !  You suck !  This game sucks !  You suck !  Bastard.  Damn."  It's entirely possible that the Pirate's chess blindness was caused by cleaning chemicals; either that or a bad batch of Glazed Pope-ums.

The game continued.  The Gabridoodle thought he'd achieved checkmate at move 19, but he was mistaken.  Thus he inadvertently did The Exchange (rook for pony).  The Pirate remarked, "Dead end !  It's gonna be at least 50 [moves]."

Shortly after the Pirate proclaimed, "Don't give me any false checkmates !," the end indeed came (move 27; see illustration). This produced a particularly choice rant from the Chess Pirate.  Some highlights:

"Are you part of my therapy or something ?  Maybe you're here to help me with my logical skills."

"Fucking Shiny !  I've only had it once."

"Maybe I need a chess tutor or something."

From noman's land to a win

Gabridoodle - Fritz, 1-0

Noman's land is firmly established in the strategically vital center...

And then, awhile later...

Ha ha !  Ha ha ha !  Fritz !  It's time for the death march of the pawns !

All four bishops in a column !

Fritz and I get all four bishops lined up in a column.  The game ended in a draw, as usual.

Two queens aren't enough (again)

I'll get you for this, Fritz !

Fritz - Gabridoodle, 1-0

Benjamin Franklin on swindling

From the Chess Improver:

http://chessimprover.com/?p=7295

10 Oct 2012: welcome back, Chess Pirate !

Fall has descended upon Salem and, as we fervently hoped, the Chess Pirate has returned ! In this game, the Gabridoodle, fresh from blundering away a half-point the day before, came out charging... Or rather, waiting defensively while the Pirate came out charging with a classic display of crazed, textbook-shredding aggression.  Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose !

Gabridoodle - Chess Pirate, 1-0

The game was rich in good quotes.  At move 3, the Pirate said, quoting from Jersey Shore, "I don't need shame, I have integrity."  At move 13, the Gabridoodle sneered, "You're the one who didn't want pawn structure."  To this, the Pirate growled, "Maybe you need to stop talking."  A couple moves later, the Gabridoodle said, "I'm not puffing my chest yet.  You could turn this thing around."  The Pirate replied, "Stop talking !"  Then, her 15th move: capturing his bishop on h5 with her pawn (see illustration at left).  The Gabridoodle replied by grabbing her rook with his bishop.  This was a fatal blow to the Pirate but she put up a brave face, a couple of moves later exclaiming, "You're toast !  I'm taking The Shiny."  The Gabridoodle took this in stride, retorting, "If you steal it, I'll just order another."

And here we are at move 23 (see illustration at left).  The Gabridoodle just moved his rook to from f1 to b1, remarking, "No place is safe."  For the first time in the history of CHESS CLUB, the Pirate hissed !

The rest was academic.  At left, we have move 35.  The Chess Pirate is checkmated !